Getting sleepless nights thinking about who you are and what do you truly want is not something that comes overnight and changes your life. There is no magic pill in this, for sometimes life has a way to discourage you in what you want to do until you come to the point that you'll say "oh fuck it maybe it is never meant for me, I quit." The moment that you give up is the moment that you say NO to your dreams. In my theory, the future is never truly set for the universe is endless with our thoughts. They say that the mind can achieve anything. For the past few weeks i've been waking up at 3 AM and find it hard to sleep with my thoughts running like a mile. I feel restless without doing anything. I started writing (typing) today and to let this out of my mind, my mind is like a raging lion, it is hungry today, wanting to hunt, wanting to feed. I find it weird that my 8 hour job that is stressful as hell is boring me. Something is bothering me today and no one seem to understand me. I think what is really bothering me is the fact that i'm getting to know myself more, knowing that i have the potential to become someone else, something else. If only i could live in the woods in Canada like wolverine did, but no shit, i have to live this life knowing that i am meant for something more today than what i knew yesterday. The future is never truly set, even if a future me pops up and tells me that I am a billionaire in the year 2029, I might not even believe him, for how stubborn I am today, I might not do what he tells me to do, but who knows? What if he tells me the right plans? for sure i wont have to worry for I know I will end up like Bill Gates. What's the point of living if you already know what you will become? That is why there are risks or a gamble, where you bet on something and hope and pray to God that it will come up as good. You will have to be liable in every actions that you do in life and it will shape you to become who you are in the future.
Sometimes, You do know who you are and what you want, but practicality keeps you from doing it. Why stop you from it? Because you are scared of what might happen? You are scared of what will happen? We were born in this world and was taken care of by our parents or guardians showing us how cruel the world is, that we must study hard to have a better job , to buy shit that we want to impress the people that we don't like. The problem is you never truly know your potential unless you take risk from it. That is why only few people have dared to jump over the leap of faith, took bruises and scars and now they tell stories that inspires little minds to get big someday.
This will be the end of my thoughts for now, I will try and search for the feeling that will satisfy the lion mind that I have today. For maybe I never truly know myself yet, or maybe I know but won't accept it yet.
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